Inside Allied Health

101 year old female who played possum on me one day. I had just passed her room and glanced in to see her sitting up in her favorite chair reading the morning paper, as usual. She must have noticed me too, because it was her scheduled time for therapy. Returning to her room just a minute or so later I entered to see her slumped over in her chair, the newspaper falling off her lap to the floor. After my initial shock I spun around to go for help and heard a snicker. Turning back around there she was sitting up with the biggest grin on her face. When she was sure I had seen her she busted out into a good laugh, saying “I got you, I got you!!” –Tim Banish

I started PT today for some hip pain I’ve been having. The PT doc was doing some deep tissue massage to see where the pain was and it was focused in my rear area…so it was a little awkward to begin with. As he is massaging, he says “so do you know George (my last name)?”  “Well yeah, he is my father in law and I really don’t want to think about him while I’m getting a butt massage…just a little strange.” PT Patient Jen B

When I was in nursing school, I took care of a little old lady one day who was a diabetic and had been for many, many years. She had a prosthetic leg. On our first day together, I was assisting her out of bed to get ready for her day. As I reached over to grab the “leg”, I noticed that there was a band aid on it and I couldn’t help but ask, “What is the band aid for?” She looked at me in all seriousness and replied, “I cut myself shaving.”
allnurses.com

When I was doing home health, I had a patient who was very demanding and could be outright rude at times. At one point she had a terrible stomach virus which made her a daily patient for a while – of course I got stuck with her while she was daily. One morning I went in and she was sitting at the kitchen counter looking positively green around the gills. I said, “Are you alright?” She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Hell NO! That Dr. is going to have to do something about these damn pills he gave me. They are too big to swallow and I have to cut them in half, and to top it all off, they are slimy and make me gag when I try to get them down!!” I nearly died laughing when I realized that the “pills” were glycerin suppositories. — Nursing Forum